Time for a blog as I throw myself a pity party and watch “He’s just not that into you”.
I have been feeling low about my love life (or the lack there of) ever since hanging out with one of my friends. She is the one here that I currently have guy chat with since my friend from home is never on aim when I am. She currently has eight guys all chasing her. Since I know a few of the guys, I know they all want her. Yes, she is beautiful, but eight guys?!? I can’t even turn the head of one guy that I like. It’s even more depressing….
Class Break
I think where I was heading with that was that when I talk guy chat with her I find it hard to talk about my feelings because she has never felt the burn of rejection. She is the one rejecting all the guys and giving them the just friend’s line, not the one receiving it. I don’t know if it is me giving off the wrong signals or if it is just me going after guys that are not into me because I know it is safe and I will get rejected so I won’t have to put myself out there to experience real feelings instead of just surface like. It makes it so hard to find a guy when I don’t want causal flings.
This movie makes me sad because I know that he really isn’t into me, but I know that I will be one guys exception one day. Hopefully I will an Alex’s Gigi one day.
Word Count: 272
Fails: 1
I can tell you that I have never had guys chasing after me and the only ones who ever asked me out were mentally disturbed. Several suicidal ones. I used to wonder what was wrong with me. I used to feel unwanted and ugly.
ReplyDeleteNow I know some of why no one would be interested in me. For 1 I didn't know anything about how to behave in a relationship having a really poor role model at home. I learned from my mom that when you love someone you obsess over them and shower them with gifts. As a result I made many guys run away from me fast as they could. One of my old crushes hasn't talked to me over 2 years despite the fact we used to be friends. It sucks.
I think other guys who never saw that side of me aren't intersted in me because they can tell that deep down I don't want a relationship. I sort of put a bit of a bubble around me. A persona that says "stay away, I'm not interested" to anyone that shows the slightest interest in me.
All the girls I saw guys chase usually have very assertive personalities. They are playful towards guys, like to pick fights with them and stand up to them. They are extremely flirtatious and guys couldn't leave them alone. Not all of them were thin either, some were overwieght but it was the personality that the guys couldn't get enough of.
Okay I am rambling and this is nowhere near cohesive but that is why I usually make videos instead of writng. My brain is scrambled these days.
I have worked my way into a better place since this event. I so wanted the wrong guy to like me that I worked myself into a tissy. I failed to see that I need to complete myself before I could even think about a guy entering the picture. (Yes, I am cookie dough!) I didn't realize how much my perspective changed until today.
ReplyDeleteI was talking with a coworker and he was teasing/asking me if I had a boyfriend yet and I told him no. He told me that I should go out and find one and I just laugh at him. He asked if I wanted one and I told him that it would be nice but I don't need one. He then asked wouldn't it be nice to stay up late and kick it with someone and I told him that a guy in my life would be nice but I don't need one to complete me. That I have so many friends in my life that I am happy and that my happiness doesn't rely on some guy to complete me.
That story shows I am on my way to being half-baked. :P
YAY! I am glad to hear that you are becoming more self confident. You are an amazing woman and you eserve it. I am sooo much happier now than I was when I was obsessed with having someone in my life. Haven't had a crush in almost 4 years and it is such a relief not to stress over. I hope you get to that point in your life too :D
ReplyDeleteI like having the crush tho; it is fun and exciting. It is the crush plus the longing to have a boyfriend I can't have that I could do without.
ReplyDeletelol. I think the two go hand in hand when you keep getting crushes on people you can't date.
ReplyDeleteI hated having crushes because despite the fact they made me giddy, they also made me stupid. I would lose my ability to talk normally, stare longingly at random moments, other embarrassing things you know about. For me crushes brought more negative than positive into my life.
I was working from the fact that I had been taught you need a boyfriend to be whole and happy. But I never stopped to consider what having a boyfriend truly meant. Kissing? EWWW. Pressured into sexual acts? GRRROOOOOOOOSSSS.
For me I always have thought of boyfriend as emotional support. Someone who is there for you and supports you whatever. Someone who you spend tons of time with. Also someone to cuddle with. You know how much I love to cuddle. My thoughts never strayed to anything more extravagant than that which is why the couple times I have had a boyfriend or a date have become awkward and sent me into a sort of culture shock.
I am glad you want those things though. I hope you find them in a man you loves you for you. I say man because you want someone responsible and not lazy. That takes a man, as scary a word as that is.