To put friendship at its most basic concept, it is two or more animals working jointly together to improve their status. They play a game of give and take, were they share food or status or time or any other valuable “shared item”. Each animal is trying to better itself the most it can in the game of give and take. A friendship is sustainable if each side gives and gains equally of “share items” leading to a mutual uprising. However, if a friendship is parasitic, with one side taking too much or too often of the “shared item”, then it will disintegrate.
I recently confronted one of my parasitic friends. She has been mooching of my sister and I for the last few years and I finally realized it; it only took her moving in with us for me to open my eyes. At first it seemed like a good friendship; we would exchange time for entertainment. She would drive us place and we would feed her. But then I got a car and no longer needed rides. She would ask me for rides because she drove me in the past, but we already exchanged that “shared item”. She asked us to pay for part of an entertainment package, but when it came to us enjoying the entertainment, if it wasn’t what she picked out – meaning she didnot have the control of the whole account, only the third she paid for – she would get mad because it was her account first. Weren’t we exchanging money for entertainment just as much as she was? There are many more examples of this less then stellar game of give and take that I neglect to complain about sine I have nitpicked enough. The point is that the sustainable friendship slowly morphed into a parasitic one and I finally got angry enough at the excessive take that I confronted the friend. I am still waiting for a verbal or written response, which I probably won’t get since she cannot handle anger besides looking like a bewildered 5 year old and saying excessive sorrys - since when has sorry fixed anything?
Betty
P.S. Don’t be afraid to tell your friends if they are being a parasite. It makes a world of difference. I’ve felt a lot more relaxed since.
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I am glad that we were able to still be good friends despite living with each other. We had our pet peeves but we never really exploded at each other. With a few exceptions of when I started to get really sick, but I know I wasn't pulling my weight. It makes me happy that I moved out when I did because I think if you guys truly knew how little I can do these days, well lets just say I would be nowhere near pulling my weight in a friendship and I would never want to do that to you guys. Love you too much.
ReplyDeleteYou have never been a parasitic friend. You can only do so much and we love you anyway.
ReplyDeleteAww hun you are way too sweet. A lot of days I hate that I can't give back in our friendship the way I used to. I know you understand but it makes me feel like a user
ReplyDelete